Being Modest (and Thick)
You might not have seen but last week a man came for me in my comments about how my clothes hug my curves. I’ve addressed this before in a post called An Open Letter to My Thick Modest Girls. It was one of the first posts I wrote when I started the blog and I spoke from the heart about the struggles of wanting to dress modestly but having curves that make it a lot more difficult.
I used to feel terrible about how I looked no matter what I wore. There came a time that I decided I will wear what makes me happy and I will keep my turban because that makes me happy too. Fashion is a way we express ourselves. Yes, even for Muslim women, fashion is important.
Modesty is A (Daily) Choice
My hijab journey is my hijab journey. Some days it’s truly hard to wear my turban. When I get my hair done, I just look in the mirror and I feel so cute. But then I have to wrap my hair and hide it. We don’t talk about it much because there’s a lot of shame associated with it, but I think we should. Covering for the sake of God isn’t meant to be easy, otherwise it wouldn’t be a challenge.
Other times, I wrap my turban and it’s not wrapped right. I get frustrated and I just wanna throw it off. But I always remember why I put it on in the first place. I made the choice to cover my hair. So I don’t let those moments of doubt take me away from my goal.
However, as a THICK BLACK MUSLIM WOMAN, it gets frustrating that people put this pressure on you as if just because you chose to cover, you have to do everything perfectly. I’m in my 20s and I like fashion. There are styles that I like and I choose to wear them because I feel comfortable, confident, and beautiful in them.
Some styles that look “modest” on a thin woman don’t look like that on me. My ass is big. Period. Even in a jilbab (the full black dress we often see Muslim women wear) my big ass shows. I didn’t request it. It’s just here so what y’all want me to do?
It’s Your Body and Your Choice
The choice of what I wear is MY choice. That guy asked me if I’m wearing the clothes I wear to be seeking attention. And I remember thinking – UM, I LIKE LOOKING GOOD – lol I think I’m as beautiful in my sitting-at-home sweats as I am in my best black dress. But yes, I like to dress up.
Another man actually DM’d me once and said that he wishes his fiancée would dress more like me and wear more modest clothes. He asked if it would be bad if he restricted her from wearing certain “skimpy” things. I respectfully responded, YOU ARE NOT HER FATHER.
A lot of men ask me silly questions like “how is your husband letting you wear those things.” It makes me realize that people have a very skewed view of Islam. My husband can have his preferences, but he will never be the reason I cover myself. We wear hijab for the sake of Allah. No one should force you to wear it because when they do, you don’t reap the benefits. Hijab is supposed to be your choice because it’s your struggle.
Ladies, no matter where you are on your journey, it’s YOUR journey. Some women don’t wear hijab or turban but they decide they want to dress more modest. We have to put an end to people policing our bodies and our fashion choices, men and women alike. It doesn’t matter who it is, no one should have the right to make you feel small or guilty about anything having to do with your body. And for all those doing it, stop it.