This post is an ode to my sistahs, the modest girls, who live the struggle of being modest while thick. But it is also an informative note to the people who see us but don’t understand us. Hopefully, this will shed some light on the struggle and encourage us all to think about it more.
I was recently asked why I no longer wear “full hijab” and honestly, it wasn’t a decision I made lightly. When people see you in hijab, they often assume that you and your actions speak for the whole hijabi population. You become the representative for the whole, even though you never intended to be.
The reality is – it is hard to look “modest” with my curves. No matter what I do, it seems like there are parts of me that I just can’t hide. So I choose a turban most of the time to avoid the looks and the “how can you wear that with a hijab on” question. Now, I know this might seem like a cop-out. But honestly, it is not – it is an expression that allows me to be modest in the best way I can, without speaking for the whole Muslimah population.
As a curvy Muslimah, you are judged by brothers and sisters galore who think that you chose this butt and these thighs. Modest girls shopping is impossible because even abayas, the loosest form of clothing you can find, tell your secrets. When I made the commitment to wear the hijab early on, I had to transform my closet. I remember one time when I spent an entire day shopping trying to find clothing that represented what I thought was modest fashion. At the end of that long day, I went home with two dresses and eyes full of tears.
What I have learned is that these curves are mine by the grace of God. He gave them to me and I know that he knows my intentions. I have learned to embrace “me” the way that God put the final stroke of his paintbrush down.
I DO NOT promote removing the hijab – I love the hijab and admire and celebrate all my Muslimah sisters who rock it every day despite the stares, glares, and judgment. Remember, we are all at a different stage in our journey, and we should support one another along the entire way.
